I had yet another call a number of months ago about a
rattlesnake trapped in that horrible black plastic garden netting shit people
use to keep birds and rabbits out of their vegetable gardens in areas where
birds and rabbits (and snakes) are common and vegetable gardens are not. I used
my snake tongs to immobilize the rattlesnake’s head so he couldn’t reach around
and bite me and used my seat belt cutting hook to rake across his body and cut
off the netting. He had some lacerations and some deformation from being
constricted for so long but seemed pretty good so I let him go over the fence
by the neighbor’s yard. I had noticed my seat belt cutting tool was dull, not
surprising, as I had been cutting snakes free from that shitty netting crap for
nigh on seven years. So I went on line and bought a new one.
The new one came with a carbide window breaking tip on the
end, which is a nice feature, except in the seven years I have been doing this
job I’ve never had a reason to break a window.
I’ve kicked down some doors (that is fucking awesome by the way!) but as
far as dogs locked in fuck-tard’s hot cars, I’ve always been able to use my
snake hook to unlock the car doors by fitting it into one of the windows that
are usually cracked open by an inch or two. (This is a full-on other subject
which I will get into later, but cracking a car window open an inch or two does
absolutely jack-shit to ventilate a car, I have put people in jail for that –
oh, wait, I’m getting ahead of myself.) So I was stoked about my new cutting
hook.
This isn’t even the story I want to tell you about but a
lead-up. I got a call about a dog locked in a car behind the Holiday Inn
Express; I went there, and found a 4-door newish dark gray Mercedes sedan
parked in direct sunlight, windows sealed up tight, parked across 2 spaces. I
could see a giant Akita lying in the back seat, panting heavily but otherwise
completely lethargic, not really alert to my presence at the windows. There was
a chewed up Styrofoam cup in the front seat like maybe at one point it had
water in it, but nothing now. It was 10 a.m., the exterior air temperature was
77F, since the windows were closed I couldn’t get a read from my
laser-thermometer, but based on my training and experience and published
research, it was probably 104F inside the car. I called Sheriff’s for a follow,
as it’s always smart to have guys and gals with guns and tazers who are on your
side when you’re seizing someone’s property and they aren’t around, produced my
sweet new snake rescuing tool and broke the fuck out of the Mercedes’ driver
side main window. (Some lady got it on video too, it’s awesome.) I unlocked the
car, took out the Akita (kind of a big deal, if you have read earlier posts on
this blog you know that Akitas and I, well…), soaked him with my water bottles
and rushed him to the vet for IV fluids and stabilization. At this time
“Rockford” is up for adoption at my shelter. His former owner, a felon on
parole who had checked into the hotel that morning at 4 a.m., did his drugs,
nodded off and forgot his dog was in the car, never challenged my seizure and
now, thanks to me, has a warrant issued for his arrest.
ANYWAYS, this all brings me to today! I get a call from my
shelter, there is a golden retriever locked in a blue Subaru in the parking lot
of one of the biggest shopping malls in my jurisdiction. That’s it: no license
plate, no better location description, no reporting party name or phone #,
dick. So I roll into the mall parking lot, stop for a minute to scan about a
thousand parked cars. It’s 85F out, any car in the lot, even if the windows are
cracked even 2-3”, is still going to be 104F-plus, and it’s only getting
hotter. Fuck. And then this dude comes jogging up to my truck.
Dude: “Hey, I’m the
guy who called!”
Me: “Great, thanks,
where’s the car?”
Dude: (points at next
row over, I see the blue Subaru) “Thanks!”
I drive over and park behind the Subaru, turn on my overhead
flashing lights, and grab my laser thermometer. And darn it, the station
wagon’s windows are all sealed tight. There is a Golden Retriever in the back
cargo area, he is lying down, panting pretty heavily, looking slightly
stressed.
Me: “Damn, There is no ventilation at all in
this car, I can’t even get a read on the temperature.”
Dude: “I know, it’s really hot!”
Me: (I call Sheriff’s) “Hey, it’s (me), I need
a follow kinda quick at x-mall.”)
Sheriff’s: “OK,
why?”
Me: “I’m gonna break a car window and pull a
dog out.”
Sheriff’s: “You
are awesome!”
The guy who
called is hovering about, he’s near the passenger side of the car, and he
calls over to me.
Dude: “You know, if you break this little triangle
window here by the rear view mirror, that’s probably the least expensive to
fix.”
Me: “Yeah, I’m just gonna smash open the
driver’s side main window.”
Dude: “Why?”
Me: “Why not?”
Dude: “Because it’s my car!”
WTF?
Turns out, the
guy accidentally locked his keys (and his dog) in the car, and, well, I don’t
know what else to
say. My follow, the cops, showed up right then, they got it on their
body and dash
cams that he still wanted me to break his window, so, what would you do?
I drew my
bitchin’ snake rescue hook and smashed the fuck out of the tiny little
window by the
passenger side rear view mirror. Yes, it was awesome.
